He knows a just cause

By John Gonzalez

Inquirer Columnist

As a general rule, I don't answer the phone when the caller ID says the number is restricted. It's usually bad news - ex-girlfriends, the IRS, charities that expect you to give back.

Recently, I got a call from a restricted line. It turned out to be one of the governor's aides. She left me a cryptic voice-mail message:

"The governor wanted to speak with you," the staffer said. "If you could give me a call back at [restricted number], I would appreciate it."

Why would the governor want to talk to me? Did I tick him off without realizing it? (Possible.) Did he know that I cheated on my taxes? (Very possible.) Did he want to exile me to Jersey? (Almost certainly.)

When I called back, I was told to hold for the governor. I wasn't waiting long, but it felt like forever. I wondered if it was all an elaborate ruse designed to keep me in one location until the National Guard could storm my apartment and take me into custody for some unpardonable crime against Pennsylvania (otherwise known as Page 2).

"John, it's the governor," the deep, serious voice on the other end said.

If sudden chest and arm pain signals an oncoming heart attack, what does full-body paralysis mean?

"I wanted to tell you about a city judge I appointed."

Oh God. I wouldn't do well in prison. Maybe I could last a day. Two days, tops.

"He hates the Douchebags," Governor Rendell said.

MORE:
http://www.philly.com/inquirer/sports/20090417_Gonzo___He_knows_a_just_cause.html

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What's this about a broken lamp and pizza stain on the wall?

Regards,
Soul Daddy